depression?

[Its1105]

Hey everyone,

I was just curious if anyone else has suffered with depression or suicidal thoughts after their injury.

Immediately after my injury, I got a little depressed, but nothing terrible. I stayed pretty strong and just kept the faith that I could get through it. As time went on though, and my whole fiasco started with my nursing school situation and I I began to be treated very rudely, discriminated against, etc -- I just began to get very depressed. I have been in counseling since my injury (for those that don't know a surgery where the doc accidentally cut two nerves causing the BPI); however, I guess it just doesn't seem to be working. When I was fighting my nursing school to be in my classes I had adrenaline and didn't focus on it too much. Now though, I have one professor that continues to single me out (which is illegal) and has brought up the discrimination suit I filed to the entire lecture class (which is also illegal) and it just makes me feel terrible and anxious all the time. This semester I have just been so depressed. I guess I just feel like while my arm is slowly getting better, I am so tired of being treated differently.

It is weird because I am not ashamed of my arm at this point. I am proud of what I can do with my arm right now. I am proud of my gains. The treatment I have gotten though from my school is killing me. I try to block it out and I try to not let it affect me, but it does. I am in counseling still (every week for an hour) and I recently began seeing a psychiatrist and started medications (zoloft and then ativan prn for anxiety). I guess, I'm worried that this is how it is going to be always. I don't want to be treated like this for forever.

It doesn't seem like anyone else has really expressed that they have dealt with this though so I was just curious. My original depression started because of pain issues. And I definitely still have the pain, but I think I could deal with the physical pain any time at this point compared to dealing with emotional stress the school has put me in.

Anyway, just curious... I don't want my life to change dramatically after this... but I just feel like the emotional affects are making me change.

[Carolyn J]

Dear Its 1105,
Oh how I fully under stand your Depression...Many past posts on your TBPI Forums as well as in our Adults with OBPI Forum about our common "threat" of occurring Depression, altho not everyone with these injuries of ours has Depression,.. is documentent in the articles on our "Medical Resources For Adults" link on our homepage.

I personally strongly recommend Counselling along with any meds recommended. I learned the hard way that we do not have to suffer alone and we do, each individually, must reach out and ask for this help. Help is there for the asking.
Fyi, most non-profit Agencies have sliding fees and also if you live near a University with Graduate Programs in Counselling or Social Work, the fees are very affordable; most Medical Insurance plans allow up to 12 Outpatient sessions per year.

HUGS and good luck in reaching out,
Carolyn J/LOBPI adult/ 71

[RobertRacer]

I don't think your feelings are too uncommon here. I feel the same as you a lot. I don't think I had any depression at all for awhile because you constantly feel like its gonna get better and you work hard at it. You kind of occupy your time.

About a year and a half after I broke my arm again trying to recover and that is where my depression kinda triggered. Funny thing is I have a psychology degree and my understanding of what depression is now is completely different. So I broke the arm again, huge setback, disability issues, and started taking Lyrica. I think the everyday stress of being a little different and trying to deal, combined with the break triggered it but the Lyrica for nerve pain I started taking then is the biggest factor. I dont know if you are taking nerve meds?

Anyway, I dont want to give up the Lyrica cause it helps too much so I havent brought up depresssion or suicidal thoughts to my doc. Thats probably not a good idea though. So I just started taking it all at night before bed so suicidal thoughts wouldn't matter. I do however feel like I'm stumbling drunk if I have to go pee in the middle of th night. As far as the depression, I started taking a centrum multivitamin and exercising daily and changed my diet a little. I dont feel like a slacker everyday now and something about the physical activity helped me a lot. My friends say its a very noticable difference in my personality and demeanor. I didnt even notice things had changed til they told me.

[marieke]

I emailed you on here... check your PM box

[Its1105]

Thanks for the replies. I have been in counseling since the whole injury happened. I just started meds about two months ago. My meds got switched after a month though due to increasing anxiety. Since then the suicidal thoughts have increased tremendously though. My counselor thinks it is either the other medication leaving and this medication not starting yet, or this new medication interacting with Topamax. I go back to see my psychiatrist soon though to talk about it all.

I guess I am just really irritated. After dealing with the injury I kind of felt like I was at a point where I accepted it. Having to deal with everyone else though and people making comments and my nursing school has just not been easy. I want to make complaints about them again, but my relationship with them since the last complaint is horrible now. I feel like I am just letting them get away with stuff now though. I don't know. It's a tough situation. It is just killing me inside because each day I deal with the statement said to me I feel horrible and it makes me more and more depressed. At the same time, I don't think I have the energy to fight them anymore. It just makes me want to give up so bad.

Thanks for the comments and advice though. Hopefully the counseling with the combination of meds will eventually kick in. I guess it is just finding the right meds and waiting it out.

[s8n]

i deal with it on a day to day basis. i know i should move on but working with and using my hands was my life. i keep meaning to and wanting to move on but it seems i only get as far as telling myself that. i now spend my days in a recliner playing the only video games i can (flight sims) and watching television. i feel your pain and know it all too well. i'm three years in now and still struggle with it. i'm on a good dose of zoloft and for the most part it keeps the really bad thoughts at bay. i wish i had a good answer for you but all i can say is chin up and do your best to get on. if you have anyone that loves you which i'm sure you do spend every minute you can with them. all my friends left me, and my family (mom,dad,sister,brother,and their families) quit speaking to me and all i have is my wife and three step-children. i know they love me and that is what keeps me going everyday. i get out a little but not much as i hate the way people treat me when i'm out. people can be so rude. i always seen people like me but never knew what they went through until i was put in this position and now i got the full 360 view of it. my heart goes out to you i hope this advise has at least helped a little. you can always find me online on facebook (my name is Daniel Scheper) or on msn messenger at danielscheper@hotmail.com or you can get the game and join me on rise of flight flying ww1 bi-planes and having epic dogfights. (i play with rudder pedals and a joystick) it's alot of fun and takes your mind off the crap at hand. anyway i wish you the best and just wanted to let you know we are not superman and you are not alone in your feelings. but you have support here and i'm sure all will agree that we have to stick together.
chin up lad,
Daniel aka "s8n"

[kobrin]

Yip it has been a year since my accident am I am now depressed and battling to come to terms that I must live the rest of my life in pain.
I am having suicidal thoughts and if it was not for my wife and young children probably would go through with it. From been a person who took part in strenuous physical activity 6 times a week, I now look at going to train once or twice a week as a chore. I am only working to 20% of my capability luckily this is my business or I would have had the boot by now.

I battle to get up in the mornings and feel like I have just become a burden to my wife, feel like a lazy couch potato all because I have lost all drive due to the debilitating pain.

I can also not come to terms that there is no guaranteed medical procedure that can eliminate the pain, in today's medical times this has to be a remedy, I a prepared to pay anything and travel anywhere to get my life back on track.

[bill de brooklyn]

while i never considered suicide, i do have depression and my injury occurred in 1968. I managed to deal with it and the non ending pain. I don't know how i did it but i did. I was able to hold a full time job for more than thirty years. I took early retirement in 2003. I had friends who helped me and put up with some bad behavior as i adjusted to being disabled. what seemed to help me the most was my love of sports. as soon as i was able to walk again(I also had a compound fracture of the tibia and fibular) i started to ride my bicycle using one arm. a few years later i learned how to cross country ski using one pole. eventually i started to compete in cross country ski races. by 1983 I was selected to be a member of the US Disabled Ski Team and competed in two Paralympic games. I am married; my children are grown. I have a degree in business.
Since I am retired I try to spend my time fly fishing for carp. I recommend that you get therapy. what you are going through is tough to deal with but you can deal with it.

Bill

[kobrin]

while i never considered suicide, i do have depression and my injury occurred in 1968. I managed to deal with it and the non ending pain. I don't know how i did it but i did. I was able to hold a full time job for more than thirty years. I took early retirement in 2003. I had friends who helped me and put up with some bad behavior as i adjusted to being disabled. what seemed to help me the most was my love of sports. as soon as i was able to walk again(I also had a compound fracture of the tibia and fibular) i started to ride my bicycle using one arm. a few years later i learned how to cross country ski using one pole. eventually i started to compete in cross country ski races. by 1983 I was selected to be a member of the US Disabled Ski Team and competed in two Paralympic games. I am married; my children are grown. I have a degree in business.
Since I am retired I try to spend my time fly fishing for carp. I recommend that you get therapy. what you are going through is tough to deal with but you can deal with it.

Bill

Bill, do you still have severe pain?

[bill de brooklyn]

the pain has changed somewhat but yes there are times when i have severe pain. i remember someone saying that the pain would fade after some time but the only thing that has happened is that the pain is no longer limited to what feels like my fingers. for me the pain in the thumb and fingers is the worst. now the pain is above the MP joints of my hand and the ulnar nerve area. acupuncture helped some and i had treatment for a few years. I also found that what i ate had an affect on the pain. i do not eat spicy food because there seems to be a connection between spice and pain. now that does not mean i eat bland food but you'll never see me ordering extra hot, hot wings. stress also has an affect on my pain. sometimes when the pain is severe i will apply a heating pad to my arm or place the heating pad on the side of my face. this causes me to relax and sleep. I have found that these bad spells for me can last for 24 hours; during that time i try to sleep whenever i'm able.
the placement of my arm can affect the pain too. sometimes i sleep on my stomach and that helps, sometimes. sometimes elevating my arm helps. check your arm, does it feel icy cold? when my arm feels icy cold there is severe pain when my arm feels warm the pain is much less.

if you have any other questions feel free to ask; I had this injury for a long time and it has taught me a lot.

Bill